Obviously I had to write about CORONA if I wanted to stay relevant during this CORONA SEASON. I ain’t talking about the beer cause frankly I don’t like beer, I’m talking about this (not very) deadly sickness. (Side note: I am a certified Heineken pourer from the Heineken brewery in Amsterdam… in case you were wondering. No, my certificate is not on my resume, but it does hang on my wall next to my masters degree because they’re equally important in my heart).
I’m not a scientist or a doctor but I am a person with an opinion and the internet so obviously that means I already know more about #CORONA then anyone else. (That was a joke listen to your damn doctors and scientists don’t @ me). After all, they were the ones you cheated off of in high school so you trusted them more than yourself at some point in your life. FACTS.
In other news, I survived the flu for the first time since second grade during corona season. Technically it was a week before corona but its still in the season so it counts. It’s like if you win HQ Trivia during the Super Bowl. Still important but nobody cares. Either way I am fully recovered, thanks for asking.
I’ve had some people shocked at work and question me if buying a “$15 mini bottle of Purell” is worth it. Wanna hear the kicker? It was only $0.99! Wanna know how I got this amazing steal? I ALREADY OWNED IT PRE-CORONA SEASON. Bet you didn’t see that coming. Listen I wanna give a shoutout to all my fellow sanitary peers who also washed their hands BEFORE it was cool. We washed our hands multiple times a day even though we didn’t have a possible chance of contracting CORONA.
I understand colleges going online… have you seen how fast those STD’s travel? CORONA would be swimming through in a second. What I don’t understand is how they intend to close down an entire city. Like I’m mostly concerned with closing cities because DC is getting close to closing down and I have a bar crawl this weekend that I fully intend to go to. Alcohol is Purell. I am purely going to cleanse my body. Sue me.