I want to start off by thanking you for asking me for advice on such a personal topic. I will preface this by saying that my words are not to live by and I full-heartedly believe in reaching out to professionals for help; what I say is just my opinion!
First to touch on the depression aspect, I would recommend seeing a professional if you haven’t already. They can help you to find coping strategies or medication that is right for you. You’re not alone and you are not expected to “control it” and “just get better” without help. It is truly amazing how strong you seem and how loving you are that you are trying everything in your power to protect those around you, even when it is difficult for you, but YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE. It’s okay to let people help you and let people care about you. It is also okay to say you need some time to focus on yourself and put YOU first.
With that said, I would say to surround yourself with people who equally love and care for you just as much as you love and care for them. If you have that support system, sit down and explain to them what’s going on. Explain that when you are experiencing one of you mood swings you tend to push people away even when you don’t want to. Explain to them what you need from them during those times (space, a hug, to talk, ect.) and that it has nothing to do with them. This will help them understand what you are going through and will hopefully help you to feel less “shitty” when it does happen. Remind them that you care about them, and if they can’t understand then I would rethink the circle of people you surround yourself with.
Stay strong and keep your head up. It’s okay to have bad days, it’s okay to make mistakes. Nobody, not a single person is perfect, all you can do is be genuine, honest, and kind. You go this!