Have questions? Need advice?
Step 2: Check zoesthoughtz.com for my advice
(it’s 100% anonymous to the world. including me. unless you say your name then it is less anonymous.)
Have questions? Need advice?
Step 2: Check zoesthoughtz.com for my advice
(it’s 100% anonymous to the world. including me. unless you say your name then it is less anonymous.)
I recently found a positive aspect of being single, there is no confusion. When talking about your relationship status, happy about it or not, you are SINGLE. Alone. No plus one status. There is nothing to be confused about, you are just a single human looking for another single (keyword) human of liking.
I thought once meeting another compatible human life becomes easy breezy beautiful. People just throw around “sorry I have a boyfriend/ girlfriend/ partner” so often that it seemed like most not single people figured it out. They have conquered the dating world.
OH WAS I WRONG.
Once meeting a likable single human how does one go from being single to not being single. NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT THE WORLD OF CONFUSION YOU ENTER.
This is not Love is Blind. You do not go from single to engaged in 5 days. That show is, say it with me, UN-REAL-ISTIC.
I think we can all agree you usually start out in the “talking” phase. You are getting to know each other. Seeing if you are compatible. This is really the only point that makes sense. Here comes the first confusion. When you are on a first date and you’re getting to know each other is this considered talking or dating? At what point does the talking turn into dating?
What if he/she/they calls your date “getting drinks.” Is it a date even if it’s not called a date? If you guys just “grabbed dinner” the first time you hung out alone is that just dinner or is that a date too? Does a date have to be specified as a date or is any planned exclusive interactions considered a date?
But lets say it was a date. Is “dating” the act of going on dates? Or is talking the act of going on dates and dating is when you are “in a relationship?” At what point in this process do you move from single to not single?
If the dates are going well at what point do you become exclusive. Is this a talked about decision or is it just a feeling that you hope the other person has too? If you think you’re exclusive but it was never talked about and they get a Tinder match, is that cheating?
At what point do you delete your dating apps? When going on dates, if you’re not exclusive you can talk to other people, right? But at what point will you get offended if you see the other person get “a match” while you’re on a date. First date? Third date?
Although people talk badly on Facebook, it did solve all my questions so simply because people would become “Facebook official.” The day you changed your relationship status was the day you crossed from single to in a relationship. Thank you Facebook for making life understandable.
So here we are still with the same question, single until what point?
To be in a relationship I think we can all agree that you then are a girlfriend or boyfriend. But is this a gradual after a certain amount of time thing or is this also a declared moment that is discussed? Can you be together but not in a relationship? Is that what the whole “no title” thing is?
Okay but now what about “friends with benefits.” This one is simple to me, you’re single and you’re doing some naughty things with someone you’re not with. But what I don’t get is when people are “exclusive friends with benefits.” What’s the difference between that and dating? I don’t have the answers, just the questions.
“It’s complicated.” Is that code for really anything. What if you have a crush and they don’t like you. That sounds complicated to me. But does it have to be a mutual complication? Would that just mean you’re out of luck? I think “it’s complicated” would be a form of being single because clearly you’re not together. But if you’re mutually and exclusively complicated then are you not single? I just don’t get it. Maybe that’s why it is complicated?
Most people will say this is an easy fix, it’s called communication. But dang it’s not that easy!!! I get prepared and hype myself up to ask the hard-hitting questions *cough cough* “so like what are we?” and end up talking about Popeyes chicken sandwiches instead. Why does nobody warn you about the entire dating process which is just a constant state of being confused.
TLDR: Quit asking me “are you guys official yet” CAUSE I DON’T KNOW.
Comment please because I need answers.
I’M BACK! Miss me? Probably not. Gonna still read this pointless blog? I sure hope so.
College and the bar really kept my creative juices flowing and made this blog so effortless to write. The corporate world lately has crushed my spirit making me have to scan my brain for something entertaining enough to share with you. But you won’t know that because you haven’t read my update yet.
It’s been 9 long month (holy cow it’s been a while) but here’s the Sparknotes version of what I’ve been up to.
I graduated with my MSW and turned 24 the next day. Realized college degrees don’t do much for you besides make a nice wall filler. I also wore jeans and a t-shirt to graduation. Highly recommend.
Turned down an incredible job in Florida and moved back to Maryland on a whim without any of my stuff or a job.
Saw the Jonas Brothers. Cried.
Ordered Grubhub for the first time which is a big deal (TBT to Irrational Fear of Food Delivery blog which now lives with the hacker).
Saw the Jonas Brothers again. Cried again.
Went on a hike with an old friend and saw a really cute hiker boy who I gave my number to. I took a sweaty selfie on his phone to make as my contact pic and I still regret it. Learn from my mistakes.
Boy I liked (referred to in To All the Boys Who Fucked Me Over) who flirted and then told me he only wanted to be friends proposed to a girl. Was I overthinking? 100%. Did it still hurt my heart? You know it. FRIENDSHIP 🙂
Attempted to go streaking. Failed.
Was featured for 1.5 seconds in The Bucket List Family’s video on youtube (go to 8:46). Check it out. Check them out. There is nothing to not love.
Quarter life crisis in full swing!!! Trying to live up my 20’s while being broke and simultaneously starting my career while trying to find a job that makes me happy. Nobody warns you how life just kinda hits ya in the face. I miss college. *SIGH*
Went on a date with hiker boy on September 8th, two weeks after said hike. And another one the next weekend. And another one the next weekend. And well another one every weekend since. And yes, I did show him Zoe’s Thoughtz on the first date. Would not recommend. Yet here we are so maybe I would recommend.
Had a Toaster Strudel for the first time. Really regret not trying one before now.
Applied to jobs in Maryland and accepted an AMAZING job at a new practice just starting up. Quit the job a week before it started due to a lack of confidence in my ability to be a social worker.
Made a Youtube channel called Zoe’s Kitchen Concert. Recorded 3 weeks of videos. Posted my first video. 24 hrs later deleted Zoe’s Kitchen Concert. Youtube is not meant for me. Got this snazzy pic from my concert though so I think it was a win. Still have those videos if you want one.
Living at my grandparents house: BLESS THE GRANDPARENTS. Rent free. My own bedroom and dinner when they’re home. Occasional shopping trips. Thankful for them.
Still watching The Bachelor. Still wondering if they ever got my application sent in pre-hiker boy. Now sad realizing I will have to turn it down if they contact me cause *cough cough* hiker boy is better.
Got a temporary job while trying to figure out my life and I spend my day spinning in my spinny chair for $14 an hour. While spinning I noticed nobody else spins in their chair. That was the moment I realized I was not meant for corporate America.
Drove 3 hours to New Jersey to try White Castle. 30 minutes later we drove 3 hours back home. Was good. Was full. (I ate 2, hiker boy ate 12).
Found out I am going to be an AUNT in MAY!!!!! The most excited about this one. Turned down jobs I applied for in different states once I found out I was getting a niece. AUNT ZOE REPORTING FOR DUTY.
I WENT CROWD SURFING AT AN AUGUST BURNS RED METAL CONCERT AND IT WAS INCREDIBLE (video at the bottom). Check that off the bucket list.
Hey OG Zoe’s Thoughtz fans – remember when I wrote the blog (pre-hack) about applying for the Bachelor? Well fast forward to today and, well, nothing has changed. They still never emailed me back.
SO I was back on Bumble scrolling through my future husbands, and BAM. MY DREAM JOB. I’ve been on the job search for months and have failed miserably, clearly it’s because I was looking in all the wrong places.
The job includes traveling to different countries, making friends, going on dates, and BLOGGING ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE. Find a job I’d be better at… I’ll wait. On second thought don’t answer that. Regardless, I’ve already submitted my application.
With my application I wrote my first ever cover letter. I made sure to highlight my strengths like blogging and being funny (self-declared). I also made sure to include that I read the rights and responsibilities and you bet I referenced it, then not so subtly pointed it out. I’m feeling pretty good about at least getting a response back because I told them not to ghost me.
I do have some questions though.
When it says all expenses paid, what exactly do they consider all expenses? My new business attire? What is business attire for a travel date blogger? When I go on too many bad dates and get stressed does it cover a self-care massage? Does it cover my date expenses too? Am I gonna be going on Bachelor style helicopter dates? Or like will they give me $10 for chicken nuggets? AM I GONNA BASICALLY BE THE NEW BACHELORETTE?
Also, what if I fall in love at my first stop? Then does my trip end? Or am I only allowed to go on first dates so I don’t find anyone and ruin the year long gig?
Honestly if I don’t at least make it to the next round of applications I really don’t have any idea of what job would ever hire me.
Stay tuned for the never ending saga that is my life. You can find the documentary under the comedy section.
HIRE ME BUMBLE.
PSA: This is not about one person in particular, it’s about a selective few, but if you think you’re part of it, you’re probably right.
I’ve done a previous blog on all the shitty things that guys have done to my friends, but below are all personal experiences from yours truly. Sucks for these guys that I have a blog and I have no shame. Luckily for you all, I have a blog and I have no shame. SO HERE YA GO.
If you want to be the next guy to TRY to fuck me over, here are 10 guidelines to help you out!
Well if you don’t want to lose me you should have thought about that first.
What I really don’t understand is that almost every one of you eventually came back and tried to talk to me again. Sorry I’m not that easy to walk over, try and treat me right the first time and you wouldn’t be begging for me back.
Listen boys, I’m getting pretty damn good at these fuck-off messages. Think of them as breakups with someone you never dated. Weird right? Tell me about it. But thank you for the practice and thank you for making me stronger.
Just remember, I forgive, but I sure as hell don’t forget.
This is a very debated topic amongst the world leaders. No conclusion has been made thus far, so I decided to take it upon myself and end this debate once and for all.
Eating pistachio’s is an activity. Shall I say it louder for the haters in the back?
EATING PISTACHIO’S IS AN ACTIVITY.
Snack: A light meal to keep you full between meals.
Activity: A time when things happen or are being done.
Was there ever a time you ate pistachio’s and were actually full after? Was there ever a time you ate pistachio’s and your fingers were tired after? Only one of these can be answered with a “yes.” Sorry fingers.
With most activities there are different levels. Some easier, some more difficult. Let me tell you Pistachio’s only have two levels, beginner and impossible.
When you come up upon an impossible level you can spend many minutes trying to unlock it, for a tiny nut.
Don’t get me wrong, the reward of the nut is totally worth the many minutes spent opening it, but how much can you eat if you’re playing advanced levels? 2 nuts every 5 minutes? THAT IS NOT A SNACK.
It takes more time to complete the act of eating a pistachio than fullness you will receive once ingested. Don’t @me, I’m just stating the facts.
Related topics: String cheese
I really don’t understand the stress of picking a college as long as you know your priorities. I decided in under 5 minutes. To help you choose a college I will go through the steps I went through. No need to thank me.
Decision made. You’re welcome.
When I was choosing which college to go to I narrowed it down to two schools: FGCU and FSU. I first toured FGCU then FSU. I was sitting in the visitor center after my FSU tour as my dad was asking me a whole bunch of philosophical questions.
Close your eyes, picture yourself announcing your college decision to family and friends, or posting it on social media. Think of how it feels to announce FGCU. Now think of how it feels to announce FSU. Which feels better?Dad
Well FGCU doesn’t have a pillow pet, FSU does. I think I’ll go to FSU.Me
My dad looked at me with a confused look “uhh are you sure?” Hell yeah I was sure. We stood up and walked into the shop and bought the pillow pet then walked across the street and turned in my first tuition.
Dear FGCU, One piece of advice: to enhance your application rates, get a pillow pet. Love, Zoe
Well this season may not be THE most dramatic season ever because the guy with a gf was ALREADY found and sent home *shoutout to detective Demi.* Anyway Chris Harrison cleaning up cursing about Joe is the supportive friend we all need. Also Hannah prayed to be smart.
Guys in red went home already so bye bye bye boys.
*disclaimer: I continued to write for each guy as a I had things to say throughout the episode so here is my streams of consciousness*
Scott: Nervous and couldn’t talk when he got out of the limo – no wonder cause he has a secret… HE HAS GF BOY BYE
Connor S.: Unoriginal. Jumped a fence. Then was out of breath. Copied Colton and did it worse. Oh and now they kissed.
Chasen: “Girls like guys in uniform” *doesn’t come in his uniform.* Then he made pilot jokes… that weren’t funny.
Peter: Pilot IN uniform. He wanted to be a pilot. He became a pilot. I like his commitment. With that kind of follow-through I have high hopes he will go far in this competition.
Tyler C.: Construction stripper? Are we in Flash Dance? No wonder cause he’s also from Florida. FLORIDA MAN ABORT.
Devin: fake VIRGIN. Cocky but has a colorful tie.
John Paul Jones: John Paul Jones. WTF HOW IS HE NOT GONE.
Luke P.: Self-declared “good looking guy” who had a spiritual awakening in the shower…. hm makes you think. Also thinks he’s Hulk with the way he jumped out of that limo. But he’s cute so like… he ain’t wrong. Took her first clearly still confident though. Oh wait he went to comfort her in her moment of sadness. Not sure how genuine he is but he knew how to capitalize on that moment. I KNEW IT THERE IS THE ROSE. And there is kiss #3 of the night.
Cam: He says he wont kiss on the first date yet somehow made it make sense that this was his second date… even though they haven’t gone on a date… so he could kiss her. He’s that fuck boy that says shit that you believe in the moment until YOU later try to explain his rational he told you to your friend and it doesn’t make any sense anymore. He also has REAL first impression rose.
Matt Donald: I have mixed feelings here. I first remembered him as “cow guy.” THEN he said he liked Hannah’s TERRIBLE toast last season so he went to the bottom of my list. But his little cowboy song really won me over. I didn’t think I liked Matt Donald until he got sent home and then I was sad. Bye Matt, you’ll be missed.
Joe: Builds boxes. Talks about boxes. Jumps out of boxes.
Mike: Lives his life by the “5 C’s” – I’ll do 5 Z’s – Zesty, Zealous, Zodiac (sign), Zen, and Zany.
Connor J.: Party with butt game. Half from Hong Kong, half from Iowa. I have enough facts on your life that you had to stick around.
Jed: Clashing blue suit with brown shoes. Didn’t like you until you became a singer.
Kevin: Behavioral Health Specialist yassss we’re here for this. And football. Smart, good morals, athletic. Don’t really know him but I’m already pulling for him.
Thomas: LIAR – no girl who is a stranger on tv will top 5 years of travel. Fact.
Joey: Baby champagne. Who are you? But I like babies and champagne so like I’m not complaining.
Brian: Awkward Spaz
Tyler G.: You’re in my dreams… creep.
Luke S.: Was on after the final rose. Still don’t remember him and I’ve seen him twice now.
Dylan: It’s hard to wear a white tux and still not be memorable… but he managed to.
Mathew: Car bid spotter. WTF is that? Not memorable.
Matteo: “Took my breath away.” Not memorable.
Darron: Walked the wrong way. Not memorable.
Dustin: White shoes. Shaved part. Not memorable.
Ryan: Roller blades. Not memorable.
Garrett: Sexual hole-in-one golf jokes – Not memorable.
Hunter: Tie knot. Not memorable.
Grant: Mustard. Not memorable.
Jonathan: Pizza. Not memorable.
Mother’s Day also know as First Child Appreciation Day.
Have you ever thought about how unfair this day is to all children who are not the oldest? If you say no, you’re lying. Let me tell you, I’m the youngest and I sure have given this some thought.
My mother celebrated Mother’s Day for two years before I ever came around. BEFORE I WAS EVER EVEN A THOUGHT my mom was already a mom celebrating this day dedicated to her.
My existence did not change a single thing. I came about and there were already two years of celebrations and memories. I did not make her a mom. I did not give her the ability to get flowers on this day. I DID NOTHING.
So on this Mother’s Day, as influential as my mom has been in my life, I am glad to know the appreciation is really for my sister.
I usually am not into fashion but this year so many of my favorite things made an appearance that I had to watch! Here is a list:
Elle Woods. I’m honestly so glad she got a break from studying! Take that Warner Huntington III:
Jared Leto’s head cause really who needs all of him when you could just have his head?:
Kevin, the bird, in Up. Everyone loves Kevin!:
Summer flowers trying to get pollinated aka all of us thinking about re-downloading bumble (get it… bee… get pollinated. haha full circle):
Mike Wazowski. I wonder if Sully and Boo approved? :
Sky High sidekick, because we all know the sidekicks are the real superheroes:
Cinderella and her evil step-sisters were there but that’s not a surprise cause they go to fancy events often:
Zendaya and Kendall & Kylie Jenner
Lumiere. Everyone obviously needs quality selfie lighting:
That angsty drama queen from high school who tried too hard for attention yet somehow still got invited to the cool kids party:
A wet plastic bag, but make it fashion. Is this an undercover PSA? I approve:
QUESTION: Everyone is talking about Lady Gaga’s 4 outfits but is anyone else wondering how she wore those sunglasses with 5 inch whiskers coming out of her eyes?
PSA: Nick Jonas: Proof that a mustache is never a good idea.